Daily Uplifting Quotes

Daily Uplifting Quotes to Start Your Day

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Funny QUOTES

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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. Fred Allen
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. Fred Allen
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement? Fred Allen
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height. Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. Woody Allen
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. Saint Augustine
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. Dave Barry
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. Dave Barry
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. Robert Benchley
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. Robert Benchley